Under Way Again

Thursday 12 July 2012
0830: After a month of delays due to antifouling, some hull maintenance, fitting instruments, gear faults, insurance and especially the weather, finally get a weather window.  Forecast is for a fine day with winds 15-20 kts.  Expect it will be bumpy out there but I need to make a start on this trip.
0900: Final checks completed.  Cast off lines. Say farewell to fellow marina inhabitants.  Motor out of marina into shipping channel.
1030: Still in shipping channel.  Have been raising and setting mainsail full and with 1st and 2nd reefs in it. Want to be sure how everything works when I have to do it for real in hard weather.  Had problems with the lazy jacks snagging the sail as it was being raised.  Lesson learned. Stow the lazy jacks out of the way when raising sails for the first time.
   Tide turning against me slowing boat speed by about .5 kt.  Calm water with little wind at present. Sunny.  First real sun I've seen in the last fortnight.
1100: Full sails with no reefs set. Motor off. Heading for Cape Grafton.
1130: Wind picks up as I near False Cape.  Set 1st reef in mainsail. Boat still leaning a bit too much in the gusts so put in the 2nd reef.
1140:  Tack starboard towards False Cape. Wind approx 20 kts, very choppy seas. Getting 3-4 kts.
1210: Tack port to easterly again. Get a good line towards Cape Grafton at 4-5 kts.  Water is calmer inshore.
1430: Have been tacking towards the cape and now tacking around it.  Winds are much stronger here. Waves are rougher especially in the vicinity of the cape.  Destination Fitzroy Island is in sight but dead to windward. Nibble on some dry crackers.  Make a brew. Autopilot handles the conditions well.  Sometimes hitting between 6-7 knots in the stronger gusts.
1500: Very bumpy. Constant tacking E and SSW.  Pleased to see that tightening the mainsail brings her head up into the wind a bit more. My old boat Lowana IV would never do that.
1600:  Consider anchoring for the night in Turtle Bay to the SE of Cape Grafton.  Doesn't look too comfortable in there with swells coming around the corner. A slight wind shift gives me a better line towards Fitzroy Island.  Decide to continue.
1640: Still tacking.  Wind easing a little. Have cleared Turtle Bay.  Fitzroy Island at 2.5 miles is almost completely covered in low cloud.  The mist hangs like fog out to sea.
1730: Closing to the anchorage. Motor on. Sails down. Prepare the anchor. Motor around checking the area for underwater obstructions and clear of other anchored boats.
1800: Anchored at Fitzroy Island.  Overcast here.  Still a bit blowy and water pretty lumpy from swells which is going to be annoying during the night. Secure the sails and boat for the night.  Make sure everything is handy should I need them in a hurry - torch, knife, shackle key, spotlight. Note down GPS position and depth.   Anchorage: 16°55.741' S, 145°59.263' E.
   Start to prepare dinner. Notice the old familiar tremors in my forearms and hands that started during the day had worsened.  The symptoms were back even though I'd not had anything to worry about. This is not good. I had really thought I was over this.
  1900: Go topside to make checks on position of other boats and make sure the anchor hasn't dragged.  Getting a grinding noise through the anchor chain which is common when the chain is rubbing over rocks.
  Treated the broken blisters on both hands I'd got as a result of not wearing gloves and a lot of rope handling.  A trick I'd learned as a young fettler had been to piddle on broken blisters to dry them out.  Stung like crazy.  Glad I don't suck my thumb anymore.
  Set anchor alarm. Read an ebook for a while, every paragraph twice because I couldn't concentrate. Lights out.  Restless night.

Friday 13 July 2012
   Weather not looking too good.  Still overcast and quite blowy still.  Check my onshore marks and the GPS.  Boat hasn't moved from her spot.  This is supposed to be a calmer day.  Will just have to see what happens. Low clouds everywhere.
   In addition to the tremors my heart is now racing a bit.  Do some breathing exercises as I have been taught to calm it down. Sit down to think about this.
   If I keep going I know through experience and past counselling that the symptoms are going to get worse, and there's nothing I will be able to do about it. There is no way I want to go back to those black days.
   I also didn't enjoy the day as much as I once did. Bursting through blustery water at 6 and 7 kts, with spray flying and water gurgling along the hull and rippling quickly away astern, was once my idea of a good time.  The best I could feel yesterday was a small sense of satisfaction that the boat has performed so well I suppose.  The old sense of fun is just ... gone, along with most other things I enjoyed about sailing and adventure.
   As much as my heart wants it, my head tells me my sailing days are probably over. At least for now.  I agonise over this for some time. Finally decide it would be best to return to Cairns and sell the boat.  It is indeed a Black Friday for me.
0830: Contact Cairns Marlin Marina via VHF radio.  Thankfully my previous berth is still available to me.  Turn the motor on and go forward to raise the anchor.  The anchor winch which worked so well back at the marina can now barely turn, let alone raise the anchor.  And I have 40 metres of heavy chain and anchor down there. As well, the wind is blowing the boat back hard so that the chain is quite taut.
0910: Got the anchor up. Managed it by running back and forth to the engine controls, motoring forward and pulling in a little bit of slack chain by hand. Lots of huffing and puffing. Also painful with both blistered hands beginning to bleed over the chain and foredeck.
   Motor out of anchorage. Pause once clear to secure the anchor and get sails ready. Continue to motor for a while to get some charge back into batteries.
0930: Just coming up to Turtle Bay.  Wind from astern but buggar all of it. Sometimes you get too much of it.  At other times you get none.  Put up headsail but not enough to keep it filled.  Roller furled it back up again. Continue motoring. Speed 4 - 4.5 kts. Not too bad even if we're rocking and rolling a bit as we go along.
1030: Reach waypoint.  Round and clear Cape Grafton. Crossing Mission Bay.
1115: Sun comes out for about 15 minutes.  Nice while it lasted.
1130: Clear False Cape.
1200: Enter main shipping channel into Cairns.  Final run to marina. Pass a large ship going the other way stirring up lots of mud.  Must be dredging the channel.
1300: Enter marina and secure Mirrool at her designated berth. Spend the next hour or so fiddling around running 240v power, making adjustments to berthing lines.  Fellow yachties want to know what happened of course.  Told it straight and as simply as I could.  Thankfully nowadays people seem to be more understanding about depression and anxiety issues. Invited to attend a marina BBQ later.
   Sit down with a heavy heart for a while with a fresh cup of coffee. Tidy up boat. Take a shower.
1700: Wander over to the BBQ just a couple of boats down. I guess there were maybe a dozen or more people there. Some more people come and go during the evening. It was pleasant and somewhat soothing.

Saturday 14 July 2012
Spent the day feeling pretty lousy.  Put an ad for the sale of Mirrool into the Boatpoint online website and arranged for a local boat broker to visit early next week.

Footnote
   This is the second time I've set out to circumnavigate Australia and failed.  The first time due to an undiagnosed condition and the second time because I recognised it recurring. But I simply had to have another go at it, or forever be left wondering. I think I've now found the answer and it looks like it is going to be a tick on the Bucket List that will not be crossed off.
   Since Black Friday and Saturday I have begun to think more philosophically about this experience.  Of course I must.  The good news is that although I still have the tremors, they're not that noticeable now and seem to be getting weaker.  I intend selling the boat but will stay with it until it is sold, however long that takes.
   In the meantime, my confidence is returning enough to want to take the boat out to some of the islands on the Great Barrier Reef when the weather improves.  Maybe even another trip to Fitzroy Island. Might also jump on the train and visit friends and relatives further south.
   I will not close this blog off just yet, and propose from time to time updating what's happening with Mirrool and me.  Maybe the adventure is over, or maybe not ... who knows?